If you visited during my Bi Pride Week celebration you probably remember Posy Roberts. Her post was personal and colorful and altogether wonderful, and this one is no different! Thanks for coming back, Posy!
Your kisses are much deeper than usual as you slip your hand under your lover’s shirt to thumb over a tight nipple. It’s a risk, but you palm that prominent bulge that keeps nudging you in the hip, and you want to go even further. Visions dance in your head: falling to your knees, opening his fly, releasing him from that cotton prison. You lick your lips.
Then you hear people approaching on the walking path just three feet away. Do you keep going or do you stop?
Agoraphilia – The psychosocial arousal from being outdoors, in open spaces, or from having sex in public places.
That was a new word for me, but far from a new concept. From a psychological standpoint, very little has been written on the topic, unlike its cousin voyeurism. Yet when looking at fiction, bookstores could probably devote an entire section in their stores to books with this kink in it. On the page, people are having sex in clubs, taxis, pools, showers, toilet stalls, and of course parks. And we can’t forget the back room or the bathhouse where being watched is just as exciting as watching.
It’s fun getting intimate while out and about, especially knowing you could potentially be caught. Since public sex and indecent exposure is illegal almost everywhere you go, there is an element of danger to this kink, but even if you know you won’t get arrested, the sense that you could be seen is enough to make all the risks worth it for some.
Ross in Charley’s Curious Sustenance has a little taste of sex in public, and so do Hugo and Kevin in all three of my North Star books. In Spark, Hugo skinny dips, and Kevin can’t help but follow him in the lake. Neighbors, especially at the well-populated lake, could easily spot them as they get it on. Then in Fusion, there is an even riskier experience that happens in the ocean with another person standing right beside them, again during a skinny dipping adventure of Hugo’s. What is it with these two guys and water? Maybe they have aquaphilia too, or at least Hugo might. And there will be even more in Flare.
My mind can’t help but go to high school when privacy was at a minimum. Kids were always making out at parties or even at their lockers. I still remember the little flutter of excitement I got from doing that, and PDAs were everywhere too. After privacy can be more easily found, many people leave public sex behind along with their forgotten locker combinations and high school sweethearts.
Agoraphilia is a paraphilia, or a condition where a person’s sexual arousal and gratification is dependent upon a particular act. Most people are not true agoraphiliacs at all. If a person becomes dependent on their kink to achieve satisfaction and can’t find it any other way, then they may have stepped over the line from a kink to a diagnosable problem. A kink shouldn’t rule your life but add to it.
I know some of the public sex Kevin and Hugo had sure added to their enjoyment. It made them feel (healthy) risk, which helped them bond through a shared experience. They were a good match, because Kevin was willing to indulge Hugo’s desire for public sex on occasion. That doesn’t always happen in real life. Couples often have to compromise, but if you or your partner is unwilling to try a kink for whatever reason, then pressuring them isn’t going to do anything to improve your sex life. And it may ruin your relationship.
Start small with this kink and be mindful of the laws where you live. How about giving a blow job on your deck or having sex on a sleeping bag after dark? You don’t even have to go that far. A quick grope can be just as exhilarating.
Have you heard of people having sex in public and not getting caught? How did they avoid capture? Haha. I just imagined a cop with a really big net. How common do you think this kink is?